A Life of Midnight Adventures: August 2009

Monday, August 31, 2009

Leave Me

Leave me, leave me

leave me alone

Leave me as I am

I wish you had left me

-as I was

But you left me

-left me, but not alone

You left

and became

someone else

Please be patient

patient with my heart

I don't want to know you

not so well

not when you're like hell

Leave me, leave me

leave me as I am

don't come back to see me

not until you bend

not until you've broken

Break, my dear, please break,

out of the old skin, into the new

I want to know, to know the new you

You heart is a mess, so leave me,

please, leave me alone.

You are my Joy

Burn, and fire

the sting

intoxicating pleasure

What joy is this?

that natural emotions

cannot parallel?

This sweet fragrance

fills my lungs

is exhaled from my skin

How sweet You are

How lovely is Your presence

What joy You are in me!

My heart is ready to burst

My life, intoxicated by You

My soul, transformed

Nobody's Listening

There are times

when it's most important

for me to know

-no one's listening

And other times

it hurts me

to know

No one's listening at all

Often I find

wish to cry aloud

pour out my heart

and have no one hear

But most of the time

I find it's most important

that other's listen

when I say nothing at all

To Love Once More

I know this may sound silly

and I wonder if it is a lie

-with you my heart skips a beat

and I haven't wondered why

I wonder if I could fall in love

if I could love someone again

I wonder if I'll fall in love with you

Sometimes I wonder, when?

I fell in love once, I know

it hurt so much to fall out

in the end, there was so much pain

and in my heart, so much doubt

I wonder if I'll truly love again

maybe I'll be stronger than before

I wonder if I could love you true,

I wonder if I can love once more...

Thursday, August 27, 2009

To Live Again

I want to live again

Breathe Your life

fully into me

so I can be

I want to love

Pour Your Love

Your Self,

into my heart

make it beat

I want to breathe again

breathe into my lungs

make them full

let me in- and exhale You

I want to laugh again

Remind me of Your joy

bring laughter

to my lips

I want to dance

without an ounce of sadness

so replace it with freedom

so I can dance freely for You

I want my mind to be clear

uncluttered,

immerse me with your peace

give me lightness again

I want to live without pain

without burden;

lift it off, cast it aside

take my hand, and guide me

Selah

Tuesday, August 25, 2009

-thought-

I have a proclivity towards loneliness.

There's a little cave I call my own,

I crawl inside and lose myself there.

I'm trying very hard not to hide away...

but the loneliness is coming...

I can feel it...

Sunday, August 23, 2009

Speeding

Standing still

my life is racing

My body, unmoving,

My mind miles ahead

Slow me down

I'm ahead of myself

and can't catch up

I'm speeding ahead

and can't keep up

Slow down the pace

I missed the rose

as I raced by

and never got to smell

the sweet scent

that i forgot it kept

within its petals,

in colors I've forgot

My life is racing

and my love is speeding

I think I've forgotten

how to love

It's just a quick burst

a dew droplet in my eye

a spit of love

a taste of what I want

but a bite will never

fill me,

never satisfy

the longing my heart

has hidden in its folds

beneath my wings

where I hide my secrets

my scars

That's where they disappear

That's where they hide

Beneath the beauty

folded down

so comfortable

That's where I wish i were

cozy on a couch,

or in his arms

Whose arms, I don't know

but in my mind i remember

I had a wish for a man

who would treat me just so

and love me

never leave

and never see another

but only see me

and no other

now I wonder if I've lost

hope

is I can do, as I dream

but I'm speeding

my dreams are too slow

so I wake up

just to escape

I want to live

but I move too fast to

remember how....

Stranger

All in one night

can life so change

All in one eve

emotions exchange

For weeks on end

dragged around

even by dearest friends,

with thorns, crowned

One night with a stranger,

at dinner with him,

when told of love,

my hurts grow dim

Now my heart

has learned to love

and once again my art

only of life, it speaks of

short.

Twisted.

Beautiful.

Endless weeks.

One night.

Life so bleak.

Wrecked.

Lovely.

Endless hate.

One Love.

Recreate.

Sweet Freedom

All the brokenness

that followed me

trailed me around

All the weariness

a spell broken

in one night

The spell is gone

The curse is

finally, lifted

How long

did I wait

for love to wake

How long did I mourn

while my heart,

life, were scorned

Freedom is sweet

oh, sweet love,

ah, sweet relief

Love's Fight

Life is not a fight,

nor a moment

to be conquered

Life is a purpose

It is a dream

to be fulfilled

Life should not

just be a fight

to be won

It should be a fight

that is fought with

a heart full of love

Life is not a trial

something to just

'get through'

Life is a fight

that should be

mastered with love

Life is not that fight

When the fight ends

life should not be done

But life is made of the essence

created by this revolution

- of hearts brimming with love

Friday, August 21, 2009

Life Lost, Regained

My heart was once so filled

full to bursting, and fulfilled

while all my life was pure

brimming with love and joy

intoxicated by beauty

fluttering with such ease

But when the storm came

The thunder cracked the sky

and the lightning split my eye

My life was blinded

to what I once was alive.

I lost the flame to my life

My veins lost their very pulse

My imagination was repulsed

Beauty was driven from my life

Love withdrew from my sight

The very throb of music so sincere

was lost to my once-attentive ears

Tormented weeks without end

I pressed in with no way to mend

My heart would swell and rupture

No more beauty could I capture

How I longed for love to flow anew

But my cup of life could hold nothing new

My heart lacked its very essence

With no capability for life anymore

I tried to tear my spirit from my soul

but the attempted fancies took such toll

With or without the soul, I was nothing

My existence was bereft of life and breath

My bleeding feet found solid ground

but my neglected spirit wept in pain

I fell on my face, burdened and alone

But I was lifted up by a Man who came

He told me who I was and who I'd be

He's making me love, sparking life's flame

Though my heart lost the essence of life

and nothing I knew would be as it was

This Man taught me to see in new degree

With His hands, reached into my soul

He tore from me what crippled me

He made me to love: all I'll have, all I've lost.

Tuesday, August 11, 2009

Day To Run Away

We wanted to run

to run so far away

but the doorway caught us

before we could ever leave

There's something not quite normal

behind the closed doors of our hearts

its a throbbing thats unnatural

and means that its been scarred

There was a time we ran away

but no matter how far we ran

we found that we had never left

We were still hand in hand

But when I woke up this morning

I found I was so alone

my bed was far too small,

and my feet hung off the end

I got up to the bathroom

and when I looked into the mirror

I stared right through it,

and never even glimpsed myself

After I left the mirror,

where you were staring back at me,

I tried to pour a glass of milk

but found only memories

Sometimes I feel a squeeze

a tender touch upon my hand

and I have to shake my head

to convince myself I'm not going mad

Today was supposed to be a day

where you and I both ran away

but when I finally woke up, I found

that you've been gone so very long

I'm waiting on an act of God

because we're both not quite normal

but if I wait on anything

I know my heart will crack

I opened up the freezer

and found it wasn't cold

I thought it was a heater

until I found a frozen drink

When I saw that alcohol

I nearly burst in tears

I recall the night you took me out

and brought to life my fears

Today was meant to be the day

Where I decide to run away

But no matter how far I run

I always end up back here

I thought these were tricks of the mind

but then I fell asleep and realized

it's just my life and I know nothing at all

I never can go to sleep, nor can I come to

I have sad memories, you called them cute,

It was when you were gone away

I was so lonely, I slept in your bed

I dreamed of you and the midnight sea

When you came over the other night

I dare say you were hardly recognized

all that's left is your outer shell

On the inside is mostly someone else

Today I want it to be the day

Where I close up and run away

off into my dreams,

not to be found again

I'll leave my body here for you

and you can see me when you like

but you'll see just how strange it is

to meet with someone's outer shell

Maybe when I run away, I'll find my way to you

I'll see where you've been hiding away

and when we meet in purple clouds,

We'll live without the shells that can't run away

So meet me in the third realm

Let me tell you, it's perfect there!

I went there after you broke my heart

-I was glad to have a day, just to run away...

Monday, August 10, 2009

When Faith Dwindles Fatal

With measures of love

and measures of loss,

there promises be spake,

and love be professed.

So may come calamity of betrayal

How broken the heart cries,

how easy the tears flood!

When chaos ruins,

and promises be rescinded,

-there shatters the hope.

All can be aright

for all there can be hope,

and in faith, there be strength

But with lies and fabrication

There the heart loses strength

So much strength there was

in mandate obediently kept

But in the midst of betrayal,

when wounds are further inflicted,

one loses any want to love at all

Sincerity dares not counter promise

and still dare not risk undoing

But when faith dwindles fatal,

one's undoing seems inevitable

were one to find one held on to fable.

Thursday, August 6, 2009

apology to God

We were foolish

we didn't listen

We thought

we were right

but our ears

could not hear

and our souls closed

Absorbed in what was

and forgetting

what needed to be

We heard You

but we forgot

why we should listen

We did as we were told

but did not follow through

What fools!

Why did we not listen?

Only You knew

what was, what is

Only You knew

what disaster

was readying,

about to strike

Oh! Disaster came!

it set our lives on fire

and brought ruin

Destruction tore through

Our hearts were crushed

The storm came

but we were not ready

It ripped through us

and we lost each other

Why did I not listen?

Why did I think

I could do it alone?

My heart was weary

and I could not go

I could not be

not without You

and yet, so I continued.

so we toiled on.

Broken beats resonated

A weak chirping

rather than a brilliant song

only sung for You.

I hold on

for You brought me out.

Alive.

Do I wait?

Or do I go on?

Make You my heart wait?

Why? Let me be alone!

Leave me with only You.

I am not meant to

merely survive.

I am not meant to

just thrive.

I am meant to prosper

absolutely in You.

You lead me on.

Lead me into your gardens

away from storms

shielded from disaster

Take me, for I come into

Your gardens

Where You lay me to rest

and put my soul at ease

in Your embrace.

You give me warm sun

and gentle rains.

It is You and You alone.

How could I ever be

if not for You

if not with You.

Be my all.

Teach me to live

Teach me to thrive

not apart from You

Show me as You have

Remind me

I could not have survived

not without Your guard.

Show me that my life

is only for You.

If ever again

I breathe with another,

teach us both

to breathe Your life

Let our hearts

not love another

before we love You.

Let me love You,

for without Your love

I cannot love even myself.

The Trickery of Time

As time gets closer

my heart grows shy

I want to be fearful

It want to hide

Seven fortnights

I've waited, and a few days

yet as time comes closer

how heavy my heart weighs

My mind plays tricks

I find I am fraught

with strange burden

pelted with nervous thoughts

What if all this time

I've waited for naught?

What if the passing of time

made my love forgot?

How I ache, and wish

nothing much more

than to fall in the sea

and forget I was once adored

Sunday, August 2, 2009

A New Dawn

I hear a wailing

I hear a heart breaking

Something in the atmosphere

is changing

and I can hear souls shaking

Someone in Him is changing

and their heart

is learning to beat

I hear a wind howling

and the trees begin to shake

The leaves begin to tremble

and my soul begins to quake

I can sense a new beginning

I can feel some new degree

I see something breaking

falling, I see the debris

I hear the air crying

and the skies begin to shift

an old life is dying

a new life dawn's swift

I want to cry out

I can barely resist

I take my hoop and dance

Come, restoration, come!

A Life of Midnight Adventures