Color Pulse

There is love in my heart

a sound

a song

a taste of sweet colors

Chords crash through my mind

A rainbow hides 'neath my eyelids

I feel light melting from my fingers

Sound spraying through my mind

Close your eyes!

Black canvas all around

Sprayed full with life

formed full by passion's eye

A song beats through my heart

it claps about my ears

I see the sound in full color

I feel the song in deepest depth

I have no way to express the song

for no music do I play

The song is what I see 

The sound is color, the notes manifest

The rhythm of  life

longs to be birthed by a vessel

The song that longs to be seen, heard

is trapped because of deaf ears

The breath of the ages

The song all of nature sings

is made mute

by our untrained, unseeing eyes

The colors of the sky's pulse

never pierce our conscience eye

The synesthetic throb of the worlds

is drowned out by our counter-babel

My eyes know, and open to see

What songs the world sings

My heart is open to the pulse all 'round me 

In it, I will thrive with life

© copyright by Michèle Aimée Lahaie, 2009

Omitted.

Sometimes, I wake up
and I realize that
something has been omitted.
It isn't missing
But it isn't there.
It's been deleted
but never on purpose
It was an accident.
It defied destiny.
and it continues to defy
what it was meant for.

Sometimes, as I fall asleep
I remember something
and I see past its deletion.
I grow sad as I think about
what had been
what could have been
and what, now, instead
is not.

Sometimes, when I'm dreaming
I forget what disappeared.
In dreaming, I find
that I have begun to live
as though it were.
I live in dreams
and dwell in warmth
I live that life,
and breathe that happiness.

But sometimes I wake up,
and I find the bed is cold
that the room is empty,
that the locket was dreamed
that you were not inside
and I was not in anyones arms.

Sometimes I wake
and in waking,
I still dream -
and the bed is warm
as if you were there,
and as if you still are here.

Sometimes I live.
and I go through my life,
forgetting the omitted,
and living all else that I know
I'm meant to have
and knowing who I'm meant to be
But the omitted is not filled.
merely ignored.

Sometimes I imagine.
But sometimes,
I imagine nothing at all.

© copyright by Michèle Aimée Lahaie, 2009

Lost Loves

Life sounds so lonely right now

The air is empty

and the space beside me is cold

Where did the warm air go?

The air so full of breath

so filled with laughter?

Why does it sound hollow?

The sound of laughter is gone

and I long to hear the crashing of waves

There is no music in the air

If only to hear a guitar strumming

filling the summer's night sky with life

To hear the sound of laughter!

The sound of dancing feet

To the song of life, and clapping hands

To feel the sand between my toes

and to feel the warmth of bodies all round

as their laughter makes the stars twinkle brighter

How I miss the stars in the sky

and the sand on which we laid,

and the loves with whom I could gaze

How I miss the breeze

and the arms around me

that kept me warm

How I miss those friends

who would play their songs

while I danced under nights blanket

The night has been long

but my heart hurts no more,

for I see the dawn breaking....

© copyright by Michèle Aimée Lahaie, 2009

A Lonely Memory

There lingers a lonely feeling

A feeling of something forgotten

and yet undiscovered

There is a place in my heart

that is numb with cold

desperate for a retired warmth

There is something

so indescribable

though regrettably familiar

That feeling of complacency

suddenly is made worthless

and is happily forgot

I remember someone...

several people

and a love we shared

I remember friends

-what fools we were!-

the bond that was, ...still unsevered

I recall a life I had

and compare it 

to what I now have not

My heart mourns

that I have not these friends

that we share no laughter and tears

Something has gone missing

in my heart

and has yet to reappear

My friends, though good 

there were times 

when things were foul.

I wish for another chance

a chance with such fools as they

so I can laugh and cry and share again

We're all different now

and I know my self, my heart

so much better now...

But we've all gone our ways

and soon shall be long forgot,

though memories may stay fond

I hope this loneliness will leave

and I pray my heart will mend

for if it goes on, it will be my end

I yearn for something new,

something I've not yet had

but something old I miss so dear...

© copyright by Michèle Aimée Lahaie, 2009

Resolve

Many a time

Have I been foolish

In love before

  

But now all I can hope

Is that I will be foolish

No more

    

I pray my patience

And undying love

Will not be for naught

    

I hope that my prayers

For his rescue

Will find not be forgot

     

My hope for him is strong

And my prayers, concise,

Yet never too long

     

My heart for him is true

And my love,

Pierces through

      

His eyes, when ours meet

Are still recognizable

Though his words, at times, despise-able

    

Though he runs through chaos

Insecure, searching in vain

I have felt it all, all his pain

    

At present, though it seems

He has no resolve

Ah! Soon! Fear will soon dissolve

      

My heart is content

I have found rest, peace

For I know chaos will soon cease

     

© copyright by Michèle Aimée Lahaie, 2009

Bitter cold

I feel a rage of winter

It has struck me

Though I am in midst of summer

My skin roasting under the sun

 

I’ve felt a storm of hail

It strikes wicked,

And breaks my heart

All while suns ray please my skin

 

Such rage! Such anguish!

Why do I feel cold wrath

When life outward is so sunny?

Why are others so cold, though I am warm?

 

My warm demeanor

Is not hot enough

To melt their icy stares

Or to thaw out their frozen hearts

 

My warm smiles cannot

Take away the ice shards,

The frozen shrapnel of words

With which they pierce my heart

 

I feel my heart shudder

And my body shakes

A diamond has melted,

My eye sheds a precious jewel

 

Their cold strikes me

And my warmth turns to crystal

In a shower of glass

Shards spill from my eyes

 

I gather the spilled stones

The precious diamonds they were

And find they are worthless

I have broken over naught

 

A wind blows the sand-dust diamonds

From my grasp

And I am left alone,

With nothing at last

 

So long did I struggle!
Oh how did I fight

Why did I lavish precious time?

I was not worth a crystalline moment

 

So I begin anew

And warm my smile

With suns gracious gaze

Replacing cold with heat

 

As I gaze into blue sky

I know my warmth

will be restored

I’ll find new diamonds inside

© copyright by Michèle Aimée Lahaie, 2009

If.

If I could ask one thing,

I would borrow the ocean,

for even the deepest sea 

could not hold 

all the tears I shed

If I could have one thing,

I would ask to keep the sky.

There I would spread the stars,

pieces of my soul, to tell the world my tales

for the earth could not hold the stories I have to tell

If I could keep the earth, the soil,

I would plant all my cares

for all the dirt in the world

would  better hold my sorrows

than my soul, and this small body I keep

If I could keep the sun,

I would hide my love in it

for I am sure 

my love burns evermore fiercely

than the sun ever could

If my life could be a song

My soul would sing

and my spirit would sound

with more passion

than any instrument ever could

If my eyes were like the moon

they would be more shy

and still more sly

than the pale moons gaze 

across the earth has yet been

But my life is just a whisper

my spirit is as the breeze,

I burn with passion like fire

I weep like the clouds,

My life will come and go

I am like the stars,

my life will burn as bright

and sometimes sparkle as dim.

Though little among many,

I burn with all my might

© copyright by Michèle Aimée Lahaie, 2009

Unbridled

Some nights the words seem not to flow

and my thoughts never seem to form

My mind cannot think

and my hands cannot write

My heart so overwhelmed with things

with love, distress and misery

My spirit pours forth in floods

yet my soul cannot grasp it at all

Why can I not communicate with my Self?

Why can one feel and the other not understand?

Who is this Self that show and cannot tell?

And the other half that can barely tell at all?

A compromise at least!

Only then will come prose like revelry!

But my heart and mind have not met

My spirit and my soul remain unacquainted

Burdens so great!

And words so few...

It is the difference between a great rainfall

and the softest morning dew...

Tell of my love

and tell of it all

Speak! O heart,

Write! dear hands!

Feel all you do,

Speak as unbridled as you feel!

Understand,

Tell without restraint, all you now know

© copyright by Michèle Aimée Lahaie, 2009

A Long Time

It's been so long

such a long while

since I've seen that life

since I've kissed that smile

It's been so long

long, and far

since I've seen that smile

and felt that warmth

I miss those hands

tender and strong

Those blue flamed eyes-

burned in my mind, everlong

I miss his yellow hair

The softness of his skin

I miss his scent,

The love his lips held in

It's been so long

but soon I felt his arms

wrap warm round me

I felt that fire, that flame

His arms were still so warm

and his heart still so alive

though his eyes only flickered

I felt my love fan the flame

Cool summer night came

and so did he-

with open heart,

arms ready to wrap round me

Though he seemed at first to resist,

before night had gone too long

he came to hold me close,

-I felt safe in his arms so strong

Though he's gone, once again

I find he calls on me.

I wonder if he'll soon return;

If anew, his love will blaze for me

It's been so long,

So long indeed

But I see him return

I know he comes for me

-Beloved

© copyright by Michèle Aimée Lahaie, 2009

A Memory of a Man...

The walls are stained

the door is cracked and broken

it swings, creaks on its hinges

I thought I had forgot this place

But it seems abandoned,

that I never knew it at all

From the walls

comes a stench i know

but one I can barely recognize

I smell a sweet stench

one that was once sweet with love,

now is foul - the smell of inadequacy

A breeze passes through the house

and the dust flies round my face

Dust's lonely abandon touches my face

Rust bleeds from the hinges,

like tears, crying down the frame

Deep red stains defile the once majestic door

The floor is cracked,

the beautiful wood, stained and broken

the very foundation seems to fall apart

The once glorious chandelier

has torn through the ceiling

and has broken to shards on the floor

I hear a whisper

I feel a touch

I remember, and I know.....

I know his hands,

I miss his eyes

I know this man who isn't there...

I close my eyes as I remember...

I remember his touch and I see

his blue-flamed eyes clear out of memory's haze

I open my eyes, to find

I'm standing in the house

The majestic mansion as it once was

The man who had disappeared

is there once again

His eyes, bright with love

He shows me the door,

how grand the deep wood is

and how rich the details are

He takes me by one hand

and wraps his other round my waist

as he guides me up the spiral staircase

At the top of winding beauty

He shows me the delicate,

and most intricate crystal chandelier

He leads me through the dining hall

and to the living room

where a plush, regal couch seems so inviting

He shows me the gloriously carved ceiling

and the sleek wood floors

and glass blown decor

He presses my waist with his hand

and leads me to the bedroom

and I remember our room

As I look on the bed

I remember all my past

All he was, all the life he had

I remember how I knew him

My eyes well up, and he disappears

as I look through him

I look up,

back in the living room

and see a dying tree, its withered leaves

The man has disappeared

I am left alone

and my heart fills with despair

But a whisper comes in my ear

as I see all that was broken through the house

and he whispers a secret, a hope,

'I'm returning to you,

My foundation is in repair

and when I come, so much more will I be'

I turn to leave the house,

and as I walk down the garden path

A single snap-dragon blossoms

It winks at me

and whispers

'Don't yet give up hope'....

© copyright by Michèle Aimée Lahaie, 2009

Come away

A longing plucks at my heart
pulling strings
as if to play a love song

'Come away with me '
it says to me
'Come away, run free '

A new desire - how it burns!
it burns in my soul
it has pierced me, oh I yearn!

A new freedom has engaged
and is calling for me to run
away from the world at which Im enraged

A nearness and newness
is testing my spirit
as I turn my back on what is ruinous

'Come! Come away!
Come away with me
You, I will not betray '

Tis a better promise ahead
so I follow that road
it is narrow, not oft tread

'Beloved, I tell you,
Come, stay with me
And keep your heart true '

'My beloved, Forget me not
Follow me true
Only peace have I brought '

I follow my lover
and I cling to His rest
I will not have another

'So come away with me
Follow my Spirit '
-I'm coming Lover, with You I will be.

© copyright by Michèle Aimée Lahaie, 2009

Secrets of Words

I send my words

out into a great nothing

a garble of a million more words

I wonder, as I scream

if anyone is there

anyone to hear me cry

My words are empty

my cries are useless

My thoughts run round themselves

Who am I that anyone would hear?

Who am I that I should beg?

and who am I that I would be rescued?

I am always surprised

Shocked at my own words

I never realize I feel so much

At times I wonder who she is

who I am

that writes these anxious words

I, not she, feel peace and calm,

but she, she is rife with unrest

I must be rid of her!

Then... I find despair dashing wild,

wild across the screen

She, not I, has sent another set of words into oblivion

© copyright by Michèle Aimée Lahaie, 2009

Loved and lost

They say tis better

to have loved 

and to have lost

than never to have loved at all

Yet here am I

To my depths, weary

My face long not dry

My mind tossed by storms

Paint covers me

salty tears

and acrylic paints

blend on canvas

My hands blur

through colors

My face color-smeared

My canvas, painted with tears

How could I agree?

How can I say

Indeed, I am better since I have loved

When my heart cries otherwise?

My heart almost wishes

not to have known 

such a man as he

and knowing I have him not

My mind wishes

I had only dreamed of he

and waited for perfect entrance

rather than to have lost him

He is not an ideal

Never was he perfect

But he fit my spirit

and longed to know my heart

Not romanticized

not without fault

but he loved my all

His heart, a prince's after a princess

He endured storms

He weathered trials

and fought for me

rescued me from the dragons

No, not romanticized in my mind,

I tell you! But a valiant heart

and a noble spirit

My handsome prince

Yea, I am glad he rescued me

that he was there

that he loved me all

and he kept me safe

But alas, to have loved

and to have lost such a one

I am fraught with lamentation

I am weighed with an ocean of tears...

© copyright by Michèle Aimée Lahaie, 2009

Lonely Sunset

Sun's beams 

rest warm on my eyes

With every flutter

My lashes embrace orange rays 

My spirit is warm,

warmed by all I see

My mind is calm,

wanders where it likes

Yet my skin lay cool

The breeze is crisp,

my body is alone,

no warm arms around me

A sad song plays,

a song that reminds me

of happier days,

of less lonely ways

A flood of memories

As I watch the skies

comes sloshing like the sea

and pricks tears in my eyes

I remember you

I can't forget 

All we would do...

I wait for you yet

© copyright by Michèle Aimée Lahaie, 2009