A Life of Midnight Adventures: 2009

Friday, December 18, 2009

This time, This time...

Once you left,

my life became

just the same

The same

as it was before

Once more

I'm not a princess

-as if I never were

Here once again

just to be used

Now and again,

it's like I'm waiting on abuse

Where has love gone?

the kindhearted gentility

Where is the adoration?

My heart is once again

:a waste of space.

:a heart taking up beats.

No. Not if I have say-so.

This time it's different.

This time Im taking control.

This time Im changing my story.

If I can't have my happy end

with someone deserving,

at least I wont have an unhappy end

with someone so un-deserving

Where is my heart?

It won't be: in loveless clutches

It won't be: with someone

who won't love me. Fully.

This time, I will keep it.

I am going to keep it.

Keep my heart to myself.

This time it ends.

This time.

Stop.

Friday, November 27, 2009

When your heart breaks
does it break for love?
or burst with joy?

Does it break with truth?
Or does it shatter from a lie
hissed through gnashing teeth?

When your heart aches
does it ache with all the joy
that you can never contain?

When it hurts, does it hurt
from the pain you caused yourself
from what you should not endure?

When your heart melts
does it melt with warm love?
or from hot hate burning through?

When your heart burns
does it burn with life, as it should?
or with or from deep seeded fear?

How does your heart break?
Why does your skip a beat?
How does your heart burn?

A heart is brought to full life
with overflowing joy
and life is long and full

But a heart that is burdened
senselessly, constantly, without reason
will surely be crushed, and fail soon after...

Saturday, November 21, 2009

Love's Curse? or Spell?

There is a story
for my heart was writ
A story of love, heroism
A life only I could fit

My heart knows too well
what I'm meant to be
how I'm meant to dwell

So how could it be?
A love i don't give, taken
That once love's spell,
Now others do break it

My heart aches
for I know I'm not there
and I know you're not right

When I live as I should
my heart takes flight
I want to let my life soar!

With open wings, to be free
free to live adventure, to explore
but with you i find
my wings are clipped....

With them my heart grows heavy
and my wings grow weak
my heart is numb; my spirit, meek

Oh the control that rules!
See manipulations tolls
my heart yearns for a life well lived
words well spoken, and love to give

But my soul grows weary
and my words are now few
in my heart breathe life
or I must bid you adieu....

Sunday, November 15, 2009

Winter Memories...

My heart,
my love,
Today the tree went up
and my heart came alight
I love you so dear,
I miss you so much
I wish you were here-
If only your heart were such

The scent of your soap
turned my heart to a faucet
As I lathered my small hands
I remembered yours, so strong
as I breathed in your scent
my mind, transported
I loved you so
move on my heart, forget,
but I miss you once again

It is the season we met
falling in love in the winter air
sweet christmas conversations
late into the night
falling asleep to your sweet words
I swore I'd get over you
and yet my heart has not since
loved.... nor trusted
my heart is bound
by impending winter memories

Sunday, November 1, 2009

Damsel

I had high hopes
that you might be
my knight in shining armor
My prince charming
riding on your noble steed
or at least a handsome prince
who would care for this
princess' fragile heart

But nay, you were not
You were but a knight
seeking adventure,
seeking a damsel to save
and once I had been saved
you were off once again
seeking another adventure

Just when I thought
you had gone for good
I landed in distress anew.
In the moment I found
myself under duress
You rescued me
You came in the midst
of my distress,
all but to rescue my heart

Now my heart is glad,
for though you love me not,
you came quick to my side
and rescued me from woe!
You found me walking barefoot,
from the midst of wretchedness,
and lifted me, bleeding and broken,
onto your horse, and tended to me
You wrenched me from dragon's claw
and dragged me from his fiery lair
and brought me to still waters

So my darling prince
though you love me not
and though I neither seek return
nor long for your care
My heart is ever grateful
That twice, nay thrice!
you have thus rescued me
I incline my head to you,
my dear sir knight,
you have my respect
and a place in memory
as you go on your way
seeking more adventure

Get It All Out

In my heart
is a spot, a blot
that wants to be rubbed out

In my soul
is an ache, a mistake
that wants to be smoked out

In my spirit
Is a weight, ill-fate
that threatens to drown me out

My heart grates so heavy,
and I feel like such a fool-
all the weight of stupidity
pulling on my hair,
kicking me in the teeth,
knocking intelligent wind
from my lungs
so that no word spake
could pass my teeth
in a way to be understood-
least not by love-drunk dolts

My mind races til it aches
with memories of ill-advised
gut-grating actions that only
led into farther infatuations
or less lady-like behavior
as I tried my best to remain
sober in mind and spirit
though my tongue seemed
as inebriated, and my body
as befuddled by love
beyond what i knew possible

In my soul
I agonize in pain, in vain
I yearn for a way to drive it all out

Thursday, October 29, 2009

A Time To Come

there are days
when i glimpse a time i've never known
and know some thing i never have

there are times
when my spirit races to the future
and i thrill at what im meant to have

there are moments
when i live ahead of my life
and i miss something i've not yet known

there is a time to come
in which i love a man and know him well
but when i return to now, it's like a lonely farewell

A Moment of Love

In a moment
a heart goes aflutter
and brows are raised
pupils grow large
and memories spark

In a moment
anger is dispelled
and all hurt forgot
as your heart again throbs
with love, besot

Oh dear heart
please forget again!
yes, twas a chance
long lost, but now?
a love at what cost?

Tuesday, October 27, 2009

Lost Art of Love

What can I do?
What will you say?
Could you love me?
Tell me, yea or nay.

I once heard a thing said
A man told me of a time
he loved a girl, but she
ne'er spoke, so neither did he

Tell me, be this truth?
Must I (the she) say to he,
that my hearts skips for him
to see if he won't pass me by?

What is this, dear heart?
A man should pursue a lady
Not the lady aft the man
No, he should not be silent

If the lady be not distant,
feeling not contemptuous,
a mutual love, then dear sir!
The man should step forward!

Dear men, hear me now,
tis better to have loved
and lost one morrows lady
than silently ne'er win her love

Dear ladies, what shall we do?
Have you not stole his role
quite oft enough? too much?!
Can you not let him pursue?

What is this lost art of love?
Why can we not peruse it right?
What is this unfortunate new game?
Why do so few play it right anymore?

Fall Skies

It is this time of year

the time where I reminisce

and there are things I miss

It's the time when leaves fall

and I start to think of it all

I dearly miss the intense sunrise

Now day, night, have similar skies

Autumn

This is the time of year
when the leaves begin to change
when I long for summer's warmth
and all I loved has faded away.
I wake in the mornings
and yearn for sublime sunrise

It's the time of year when day just happens
almost as though unannounced,
with no grandiose declaration,
no orange skies or purple clouds
no way for morn to say "I've arrived!"
The skies just gradually turn bright...

It's that time where muted beauty abounds
endless trees seem to be freely painted
Winds cold breath carries cold, colors, scents
Endless drizzle from dreary skies brings
comfort in fireplaces, cozy couches, and hot chocolate....

Sunday, October 25, 2009

Beloved's Body

Beloved, one moment-
Behold yourselves as I do,
Your skin, so milky white
unspoiled by time,
Your eyes as bright as
blueberries, ripening in the sun;
Your hair as beautiful as the sands,
as the fresh bark of trees,
yet as soft as silken scarves;
Your body as strong as mountains
as graceful as the doe by the stream
as delicate as thin-drawn glass;
Your lips as beautiful as the red
cardinal, or rose hummingbird in flight;

Dear Beloved, you are all these things
And yet, though your hair is long and
beautiful and catches just the right breeze
Your heart is does not fit you any longer
Your heart is a spoiled as an apple,
fallen from the tallest tree;
Your spirit withers quicker
than flowers, cut from their roots of life;
Your soul as wicked as the vultures
that gnaw and tear at their victims flesh.

My dear, my love,
Your heart is as rotten as all these
and as dry as desert lands;
Beloved! Does your heart not ache?
Does it not feel out of place?
You keep such a beautiful temple,
yet the beauty is on the outside
while the inner temple reeks of death.
Open your heart to Love,
Be loved, so that you may love.
Even if you bring about no change,
you will be loved, for His nature
Loves, no matter the condition,
no matter how dry your desert,
or how your heart rots in your chest.

Does it not feel out of place?
To clothe with such splendor
such a wilting piece of fruit?
Why would you cover
a thing so rotten,
with silks so precious?
Would you not carry in those clothes
a jewel so precious?
Would you not care for what is
wrapped in your innermost,
and only then clothe it in beauty?
Would you not do so only
to put the deepest beauty on display?
Would you not want the inner
to be so deserving of the outer?

Beloved,
clothe yourself in scarlet,
treat yourself to the sweetest
of all fruits,
and the most precious
of all jewels,
-but only after your heart
has basked in the most
honorable of all things.
Love.
Love from a King.

Thursday, October 22, 2009

Life in the Clouds

The sky looks so beautiful. I want to fall into the clouds, and feel the fading, changing colors in my skin. I want to be lost in the endless expanse, to experience the winds as breath all my own. The clouds look so soft, I want to taste them for myself. I want to know how they feel to the touch. I feel them in my soul, a breath of my spirit. I want to become one with the fading tides of colors, washing over the horizon, dancing across the air. I will become enveloped in both day and night, becoming near and far, being heavy and weightless as the clouds are. I want to know, and just for one setting... in it, I want to be.

Seek, Rise.

You seek from
where you are

You see from that level,
know no higher than your own

You cannot go higher
for it is farther still

You cannot yet know for
it is beyond your understanding

Lower? Yes,
but too simple

Lower, my darling,
is most unfortunate

But rise higher,
above where you were!

Rising higher takes more,
an anointing of the heart

So, rise, darling, rise!
Long for a new anointing!

For you cannot know, or love
'less your heart has been taught

Love far, and farther
than you yet know

You cannot attract
more than what you are

So love, know, grow,
see what your heart becomes

Then watch those who come,
watch those reflections of your heart

Monday, October 19, 2009

Dear Mr. President,

Dear Mr. President,
We won't stand for this.
If you sign that treaty,
you rob me of my future.
you rob this world of what good there is.
It's too soon.

Please watch this video! Spread the world! Please do NOT let this happen.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PMe5dOgbu40&feature=player_embedded

Sunday, October 18, 2009

What Do You Do?

What do you do
when you begin
to want that which
you don't want?

What do you do
when you desire
that which you did not,
should not want?

What do you do
when you crave
what no longer is?
thought could not be?

-when your heart beats
for something that
no longer does the same?
one no longer in tandem?

What do you do
when another tear falls
after you thought, knew,
you had shed every hurt?

What do you do?

What can you do?

What more is left?

What more will come?

What do you do
when your heart
has loved so much
and lost too much?

What can you do
when your heart
is broken and mended,
but is threatened again?

What do you do
when you begin
to want that which
you thought cannot be...

Wednesday, October 7, 2009

Loss

Loss of love
so overwhelming
one feels,
the heart shall break

Loss of a loved one,
so painful
one feels, with our pain
the world should shake

Loss of your Self,
the greatest loss yet,
a most painful burden,
that lonely, abandoned ache

Loss of faith
a hopeless loss
hard to regain
impossible to fake

Loss of life
a pain so bleak
as we see a pale face
we only hope will wake

The Lady

To be a lady
there is a certain eloquence
yes, to be found
but mostly, to be honed
and ever perfected

To stand tall,
head held high
is not a practice
but a habit,
an extension of self

To be graceful
is not a means
by which to gain
but a manner
in which to behave

To be lovely
is not to be crass
but to be well spoken,
well behaved,
and show class

To be attractive
is to be modest,
not to wear
short skirts
and too-revealing shirts

Monday, October 5, 2009

Hi!!!

Hi Faithful Followers!

We've hit 1,000 views! Thank you guys so much :)

Also, comments box have all been fixed!
I've opened an email account, so feel free to message me at MidnightAdventures@gmail.com

All my love!
Michele A

Sparkling Memories

Laying in sleep
sweet sleep it was
I heard a song
the song from your lips
your fingers on the frets

I missed the sound
of your voice,
the scents I recall
of my acrylic paints
For us, life had just begun

I missed the dance
when you, with a glance
would take me
by the hand,
sweep me off my feet

The low light of the room
the smell of your cologne
you smelled as sweet
as champagne,
though we only had mojito

I missed you,
flashing your uneven grin,
your white button-down shirt
and all the cutest ways
you used to flirt

I'm sad it ended so
But memories still sparkle
Now I paint for life and love
I dance for joy, and every new day
brings new, fuller life and breath

Tuesday, September 15, 2009

Condition of Return

You'll never know
what you did to me
you took me so low
to a place i ne'er
would have hoped to go

You'll never know
how much you hurt me
I near don't want you to know
For back to you is a place
I can never let my Self go

I feel I can't love anymore
Your betrayal so deep
broke my to my core
My heart is so broken
My very soul was what you tore

Why do you return so oft?
Why do I see you again?
Make not my heart soft!
Not again, not for you
Not lest your eyes again be soft

Saturday, September 12, 2009

Bottle of Secrets

I collect my emotions
in a crystal bottle
I take them out daily
and hide them inside
Every day i wear a new one
and when i'm done,
i drop it in the bottle

ooaah, my heart is bursting
aaohh, that broken bottle
-where i hide things
I never take out -
turned onyx black
with all the feelings
I forgot inside

Thursday, September 10, 2009

A Girl I Knew

Live life as a shadow
see if you still matter
You wonder if anyone
saw your life shatter
are you ever noticed at all?
You're completely thrown
when a compliment
is bestowed
You wonder how
anyone you'd ever know
could call you beautiful

Broken bride,
it's alright
You were so afraid
you lost so much weight
so unhealthy
dwindling away
but it was what you needed
and now you're gaining
or trying
you know you need it,
but it's terrifying.

I see your eyes
hazed over and afraid
Open wide,
What is there to diagnose?
You want to live fully
but it's what you fear most
You want to give love
but you're afraid to get close.
What is left inside?
you think you're a shadow
a shell....

Poor girl,
open your heart
try to feel, begin anew
You have no confidence,
don't know what to do
You're afraid of what you lack
but to your Self you are is not true
slowly open up your heart
go ahead, give life a try
don't be afraid to love
let it be slow to come by...

Tuesday, September 8, 2009

sad eyes

Sad eyes
hide brilliant lies
Starry eyes
unsatisfied

Secret thoughts
Puckered lips
Hidden loves
Sinking ships

Oh my love
not my heart
No my love
please don't start

Velvet touch
with no emotion
All too much
for no devotion

Sad eyes
suffering sighs
Starry eyes
wondering why...

Saturday, September 5, 2009

Death of the Heart

The ultimate death
is the death of the heart
for it goes beyond the grave

The death of the heart
is a death of a thousand times
awakening to a thousand more lives

It is one that breaks a man
or a woman, down to their core
and yet makes you crave love more

The death of the heart is one
that makes one long for the grave
yet crave life like never before

It is a death, a brokenness
that begs not to be revived
yet gasps for life all at once

It is a death that is ever recurring
Some may escape it
others are ever haunted by it

Tis a morbid occupation
to die so severely
and to die so often

Tuesday, September 1, 2009

Sponge in the Drain

My memories linger
My thoughts won't just turn to dust
That life just wont wash away
It's just rubble filling in the cave

My heart is like a sponge stuck in the drain
Everything filters through
Soak me up and squeeze me out
Sop up the blood, clean up the stain

Wash me with soap and suds
Let the blur sting in my eyes
You were that light that shone bright
but you blew a fuse and I got misused

I thought you were a lovely candle
Turns out you're just a lighter
You can't catch a wick
and you get too hot to stay lit

You were like a bird in the blue
Never expected the sky to break
and you got rained out of the sky
and hit the ground, never runnin'

You're like the toothpick
that got stuck in the holder
You never made it out and
you won't make it back to my mouth

I'm like a sponge in the drain
Stick me in the dishwasher
Wash me, squeeze me free of sorrow
Don't worry, I'll be fine tomorrow

Lie To Me

Lie to me
So I can know
when you're
telling the truth

Hide from me
for when you hide
that's when I'll know
where to find you

Say nothing to me
For when your lips
keep their secrets
that's when I know you

Hold your breath
for when you
stop breathing, that's when
I truly know you're alive

Silence your heart
for when it stops beating
thats when I hear
and I know your secrets

Stop your smiles
let me read your eyes
for when you look at me
they tell when you're happy

Let no food pass your lips
for when you stop eating
I can recognize how true
is your appetite for life

Monday, August 31, 2009

Leave Me

Leave me, leave me

leave me alone

Leave me as I am

I wish you had left me

-as I was

But you left me

-left me, but not alone

You left

and became

someone else

Please be patient

patient with my heart

I don't want to know you

not so well

not when you're like hell

Leave me, leave me

leave me as I am

don't come back to see me

not until you bend

not until you've broken

Break, my dear, please break,

out of the old skin, into the new

I want to know, to know the new you

You heart is a mess, so leave me,

please, leave me alone.

You are my Joy

Burn, and fire

the sting

intoxicating pleasure

What joy is this?

that natural emotions

cannot parallel?

This sweet fragrance

fills my lungs

is exhaled from my skin

How sweet You are

How lovely is Your presence

What joy You are in me!

My heart is ready to burst

My life, intoxicated by You

My soul, transformed

Nobody's Listening

There are times

when it's most important

for me to know

-no one's listening

And other times

it hurts me

to know

No one's listening at all

Often I find

wish to cry aloud

pour out my heart

and have no one hear

But most of the time

I find it's most important

that other's listen

when I say nothing at all

To Love Once More

I know this may sound silly

and I wonder if it is a lie

-with you my heart skips a beat

and I haven't wondered why

I wonder if I could fall in love

if I could love someone again

I wonder if I'll fall in love with you

Sometimes I wonder, when?

I fell in love once, I know

it hurt so much to fall out

in the end, there was so much pain

and in my heart, so much doubt

I wonder if I'll truly love again

maybe I'll be stronger than before

I wonder if I could love you true,

I wonder if I can love once more...

Thursday, August 27, 2009

To Live Again

I want to live again

Breathe Your life

fully into me

so I can be

I want to love

Pour Your Love

Your Self,

into my heart

make it beat

I want to breathe again

breathe into my lungs

make them full

let me in- and exhale You

I want to laugh again

Remind me of Your joy

bring laughter

to my lips

I want to dance

without an ounce of sadness

so replace it with freedom

so I can dance freely for You

I want my mind to be clear

uncluttered,

immerse me with your peace

give me lightness again

I want to live without pain

without burden;

lift it off, cast it aside

take my hand, and guide me

Selah

Tuesday, August 25, 2009

-thought-

I have a proclivity towards loneliness.

There's a little cave I call my own,

I crawl inside and lose myself there.

I'm trying very hard not to hide away...

but the loneliness is coming...

I can feel it...

Sunday, August 23, 2009

Speeding

Standing still

my life is racing

My body, unmoving,

My mind miles ahead

Slow me down

I'm ahead of myself

and can't catch up

I'm speeding ahead

and can't keep up

Slow down the pace

I missed the rose

as I raced by

and never got to smell

the sweet scent

that i forgot it kept

within its petals,

in colors I've forgot

My life is racing

and my love is speeding

I think I've forgotten

how to love

It's just a quick burst

a dew droplet in my eye

a spit of love

a taste of what I want

but a bite will never

fill me,

never satisfy

the longing my heart

has hidden in its folds

beneath my wings

where I hide my secrets

my scars

That's where they disappear

That's where they hide

Beneath the beauty

folded down

so comfortable

That's where I wish i were

cozy on a couch,

or in his arms

Whose arms, I don't know

but in my mind i remember

I had a wish for a man

who would treat me just so

and love me

never leave

and never see another

but only see me

and no other

now I wonder if I've lost

hope

is I can do, as I dream

but I'm speeding

my dreams are too slow

so I wake up

just to escape

I want to live

but I move too fast to

remember how....

Stranger

All in one night

can life so change

All in one eve

emotions exchange

For weeks on end

dragged around

even by dearest friends,

with thorns, crowned

One night with a stranger,

at dinner with him,

when told of love,

my hurts grow dim

Now my heart

has learned to love

and once again my art

only of life, it speaks of

short.

Twisted.

Beautiful.

Endless weeks.

One night.

Life so bleak.

Wrecked.

Lovely.

Endless hate.

One Love.

Recreate.

Sweet Freedom

All the brokenness

that followed me

trailed me around

All the weariness

a spell broken

in one night

The spell is gone

The curse is

finally, lifted

How long

did I wait

for love to wake

How long did I mourn

while my heart,

life, were scorned

Freedom is sweet

oh, sweet love,

ah, sweet relief

Love's Fight

Life is not a fight,

nor a moment

to be conquered

Life is a purpose

It is a dream

to be fulfilled

Life should not

just be a fight

to be won

It should be a fight

that is fought with

a heart full of love

Life is not a trial

something to just

'get through'

Life is a fight

that should be

mastered with love

Life is not that fight

When the fight ends

life should not be done

But life is made of the essence

created by this revolution

- of hearts brimming with love

Friday, August 21, 2009

Life Lost, Regained

My heart was once so filled

full to bursting, and fulfilled

while all my life was pure

brimming with love and joy

intoxicated by beauty

fluttering with such ease

But when the storm came

The thunder cracked the sky

and the lightning split my eye

My life was blinded

to what I once was alive.

I lost the flame to my life

My veins lost their very pulse

My imagination was repulsed

Beauty was driven from my life

Love withdrew from my sight

The very throb of music so sincere

was lost to my once-attentive ears

Tormented weeks without end

I pressed in with no way to mend

My heart would swell and rupture

No more beauty could I capture

How I longed for love to flow anew

But my cup of life could hold nothing new

My heart lacked its very essence

With no capability for life anymore

I tried to tear my spirit from my soul

but the attempted fancies took such toll

With or without the soul, I was nothing

My existence was bereft of life and breath

My bleeding feet found solid ground

but my neglected spirit wept in pain

I fell on my face, burdened and alone

But I was lifted up by a Man who came

He told me who I was and who I'd be

He's making me love, sparking life's flame

Though my heart lost the essence of life

and nothing I knew would be as it was

This Man taught me to see in new degree

With His hands, reached into my soul

He tore from me what crippled me

He made me to love: all I'll have, all I've lost.

Tuesday, August 11, 2009

Day To Run Away

We wanted to run

to run so far away

but the doorway caught us

before we could ever leave

There's something not quite normal

behind the closed doors of our hearts

its a throbbing thats unnatural

and means that its been scarred

There was a time we ran away

but no matter how far we ran

we found that we had never left

We were still hand in hand

But when I woke up this morning

I found I was so alone

my bed was far too small,

and my feet hung off the end

I got up to the bathroom

and when I looked into the mirror

I stared right through it,

and never even glimpsed myself

After I left the mirror,

where you were staring back at me,

I tried to pour a glass of milk

but found only memories

Sometimes I feel a squeeze

a tender touch upon my hand

and I have to shake my head

to convince myself I'm not going mad

Today was supposed to be a day

where you and I both ran away

but when I finally woke up, I found

that you've been gone so very long

I'm waiting on an act of God

because we're both not quite normal

but if I wait on anything

I know my heart will crack

I opened up the freezer

and found it wasn't cold

I thought it was a heater

until I found a frozen drink

When I saw that alcohol

I nearly burst in tears

I recall the night you took me out

and brought to life my fears

Today was meant to be the day

Where I decide to run away

But no matter how far I run

I always end up back here

I thought these were tricks of the mind

but then I fell asleep and realized

it's just my life and I know nothing at all

I never can go to sleep, nor can I come to

I have sad memories, you called them cute,

It was when you were gone away

I was so lonely, I slept in your bed

I dreamed of you and the midnight sea

When you came over the other night

I dare say you were hardly recognized

all that's left is your outer shell

On the inside is mostly someone else

Today I want it to be the day

Where I close up and run away

off into my dreams,

not to be found again

I'll leave my body here for you

and you can see me when you like

but you'll see just how strange it is

to meet with someone's outer shell

Maybe when I run away, I'll find my way to you

I'll see where you've been hiding away

and when we meet in purple clouds,

We'll live without the shells that can't run away

So meet me in the third realm

Let me tell you, it's perfect there!

I went there after you broke my heart

-I was glad to have a day, just to run away...

Monday, August 10, 2009

When Faith Dwindles Fatal

With measures of love

and measures of loss,

there promises be spake,

and love be professed.

So may come calamity of betrayal

How broken the heart cries,

how easy the tears flood!

When chaos ruins,

and promises be rescinded,

-there shatters the hope.

All can be aright

for all there can be hope,

and in faith, there be strength

But with lies and fabrication

There the heart loses strength

So much strength there was

in mandate obediently kept

But in the midst of betrayal,

when wounds are further inflicted,

one loses any want to love at all

Sincerity dares not counter promise

and still dare not risk undoing

But when faith dwindles fatal,

one's undoing seems inevitable

were one to find one held on to fable.

Thursday, August 6, 2009

apology to God

We were foolish

we didn't listen

We thought

we were right

but our ears

could not hear

and our souls closed

Absorbed in what was

and forgetting

what needed to be

We heard You

but we forgot

why we should listen

We did as we were told

but did not follow through

What fools!

Why did we not listen?

Only You knew

what was, what is

Only You knew

what disaster

was readying,

about to strike

Oh! Disaster came!

it set our lives on fire

and brought ruin

Destruction tore through

Our hearts were crushed

The storm came

but we were not ready

It ripped through us

and we lost each other

Why did I not listen?

Why did I think

I could do it alone?

My heart was weary

and I could not go

I could not be

not without You

and yet, so I continued.

so we toiled on.

Broken beats resonated

A weak chirping

rather than a brilliant song

only sung for You.

I hold on

for You brought me out.

Alive.

Do I wait?

Or do I go on?

Make You my heart wait?

Why? Let me be alone!

Leave me with only You.

I am not meant to

merely survive.

I am not meant to

just thrive.

I am meant to prosper

absolutely in You.

You lead me on.

Lead me into your gardens

away from storms

shielded from disaster

Take me, for I come into

Your gardens

Where You lay me to rest

and put my soul at ease

in Your embrace.

You give me warm sun

and gentle rains.

It is You and You alone.

How could I ever be

if not for You

if not with You.

Be my all.

Teach me to live

Teach me to thrive

not apart from You

Show me as You have

Remind me

I could not have survived

not without Your guard.

Show me that my life

is only for You.

If ever again

I breathe with another,

teach us both

to breathe Your life

Let our hearts

not love another

before we love You.

Let me love You,

for without Your love

I cannot love even myself.

The Trickery of Time

As time gets closer

my heart grows shy

I want to be fearful

It want to hide

Seven fortnights

I've waited, and a few days

yet as time comes closer

how heavy my heart weighs

My mind plays tricks

I find I am fraught

with strange burden

pelted with nervous thoughts

What if all this time

I've waited for naught?

What if the passing of time

made my love forgot?

How I ache, and wish

nothing much more

than to fall in the sea

and forget I was once adored

Sunday, August 2, 2009

A New Dawn

I hear a wailing

I hear a heart breaking

Something in the atmosphere

is changing

and I can hear souls shaking

Someone in Him is changing

and their heart

is learning to beat

I hear a wind howling

and the trees begin to shake

The leaves begin to tremble

and my soul begins to quake

I can sense a new beginning

I can feel some new degree

I see something breaking

falling, I see the debris

I hear the air crying

and the skies begin to shift

an old life is dying

a new life dawn's swift

I want to cry out

I can barely resist

I take my hoop and dance

Come, restoration, come!

Friday, July 31, 2009

Hearts throb. gentle. in vain.

There are times

I find

my heart throbs

gently, in vain

There are signs

I know

when my heart breaks,

brutally in pain

It is because

I am alone

and have none

to be with me.

It is because

I am free

I know how to be.

Perfectly.

Saturday, July 25, 2009

Breathe

Somehow

I forgot to breathe

and somewhere

I forgot to be

I neglected myself

my very essence

held captive

by worry and fear

I forgot to breathe

to be so carefree

To dance with the wind

to live as I once knew how

God, help me

teach me to remember

show me something new

remind me to breathe

When a love was

snatched from me

my heart left my chest

and my life left me alone

But now I remember life

even without love

that life that worked its magic

and then taught, brought me love

I want to dance again, dear wind.

oh, sun, teach me to laugh again

dear waters, teach me to talk

oh night, teach me to whisper

Life, teach me

Show me again how to be

and Love, come to me

introduce us once again

Life has taught me to breathe

Day has taught me to smile

Laughter will soon show his face

Ah, how I welcome life and love!

I've missed you so!

Thursday, July 23, 2009

Eclipse

Why do I lack?

Where do I falter?

My words blot black

My dream: my assaulter

I hide from the light

I seek refuge in the stars

My future was so bright

But now dreams are so far

I dare not look through my eyes

I find I fear the very thing I sought

So I hide beneath night's guise

to eclipse the fear with which I'm fraught

My eyes are dark with night

My smile, forgotten but by moon's arc

By day I disremember my plight

But night makes wounds grow stark

Friday, July 17, 2009

Color Pulse

There is love in my heart

a sound

a song

a taste of sweet colors

Chords crash through my mind

A rainbow hides 'neath my eyelids

I feel light melting from my fingers

Sound spraying through my mind

Close your eyes!

Black canvas all around

Sprayed full with life

formed full by passion's eye

A song beats through my heart

it claps about my ears

I see the sound in full color

I feel the song in deepest depth

I have no way to express the song

for no music do I play

The song is what I see

The sound is color, the notes manifest

The rhythm of life

longs to be birthed by a vessel

The song that longs to be seen, heard

is trapped because of deaf ears

The breath of the ages

The song all of nature sings

is made mute

by our untrained, unseeing eyes

The colors of the sky's pulse

never pierce our conscience eye

The synesthetic throb of the worlds

is drowned out by our counter-babel

My eyes know, and open to see

What songs the world sings

My heart is open to the pulse all 'round me

In it, I will thrive with life

Thursday, July 16, 2009

Mushrooms and Painted Skies

I find myself sitting on the brick steps in front of a lovely old house. The house is two-story, painted green, with knick-knacks and a few metal-wrought tables and chairs decorating the porch. Up a set of well-worn stairs, a cozy coffee shop is tucked away. There, the walls are painted warm colors, paintings are hung, and scattered everywhere. A few of my pieces hang around too. I'm quite proud of those. They're so surrealistic, and I'm always surprised to find that the brush that paints so smoothly is in my hand.
The muted tone of the band playing ukelele's and horns comes flooding out of doors and reaches my ears. I am on sitting on sun-warmed bricks, my fingers wrapped around my choker necklace, fiddling with the glassblown mushroom, trapped in a teardrop of glass. I watch as the sky floods through shades of color.

First the sky becomes a wash of blues, that fade to purple. A smashing pink lights up the horizon, purple candy clouds dance away from the sun. The sky fades to the most beautiful orange. "Thank you," I whisper. I knew God knows what my favorite color is, but I hardly realized that He loved to create the perfect orange, and to decorate the sky with it - just for me.
A man came and sat down next to me. "Beautiful, isn't it?"

"Mhm," I barely answer, lost in the beauty of the shifting oranges of the sky, the licorice and lavendar clouds, and the sweet scent of the sun-warmed evening.

The band had stopped playing, and I heard someone else strumming softly on his guitar, singing love songs or lullabies. His voice sounded like love itself as it is whispered to your heart. But his song ends, and I hear someone else play something more upbeat, on a soft electric. His voice sounds almost sad, and I feel suddenly as though my heart wants to know a thousand secrets, but has a thousand more to tell.
I suddenly realize I have been sitting for quite a long time, as my backside has lost all feeling on the hard, unforgiving brick.
I stand up, and lean against a wall; it's siding that has been painted purple, and decoratively painted with what looks like the potential for a faerie tale. I think it looks silly, but in the evening's glow, it somehow enchants me.
To the right of me is a low wall around the porch, between which I had been sitting on the steps. A cat is laying there, so lazy and self-satisfied. He has long gray fur, and his fluffy, ragged-looking tail flips about lazily, as if swatting something in his half-sleep. His fur rippples with his purring. I reach out and pet him.
I reach down, smoothing my sun-yellow skirt, then peer back at the boy who joined me. "What took you so long?"

-end part 1- (possibly more to come...)

Omitted.

Sometimes, I wake up
and I realize that
something has been omitted.
It isn't missing
But it isn't there.
It's been deleted
but never on purpose
It was an accident.
It defied destiny.
and it continues to defy
what it was meant for.

Sometimes, as I fall asleep
I remember something
and I see past its deletion.
I grow sad as I think about
what had been
what could have been
and what, now, instead
is not.

Sometimes, when I'm dreaming
I forget what disappeared.
In dreaming, I find
that I have begun to live
as though it were.
I live in dreams
and dwell in warmth
I live that life,
and breathe that happiness.

But sometimes I wake up,
and I find the bed is cold
that the room is empty,
that the locket was dreamed
that you were not inside
and I was not in anyones arms.

Sometimes I wake
and in waking,
I still dream -
and the bed is warm
as if you were there,
and as if you still are here.

Sometimes I live.
and I go through my life,
forgetting the omitted,
and living all else that I know
I'm meant to have
and knowing who I'm meant to be
But the omitted is not filled.
merely ignored.

Sometimes I imagine.
But sometimes,
I imagine nothing at all.

Saturday, July 11, 2009

Lost Loves

Life sounds so lonely right now

The air is empty

and the space beside me is cold

Where did the warm air go?

The air so full of breath

so filled with laughter?

Why does it sound hollow?

The sound of laughter is gone

and I long to hear the crashing of waves

There is no music in the air

If only to hear a guitar strumming

filling the summer's night sky with life

To hear the sound of laughter!

The sound of dancing feet

To the song of life, and clapping hands

To feel the sand between my toes

and to feel the warmth of bodies all round

as their laughter makes the stars twinkle brighter

How I miss the stars in the sky

and the sand on which we laid,

and the loves with whom I could gaze

How I miss the breeze

and the arms around me

that kept me warm

How I miss those friends

who would play their songs

while I danced under nights blanket

The night has been long

but my heart hurts no more,

for I see the dawn breaking....

A Lonely Memory

There lingers a lonely feeling

A feeling of something forgotten

and yet undiscovered

There is a place in my heart

that is numb with cold

desperate for a retired warmth

There is something

so indescribable

though regrettably familiar

That feeling of complacency

suddenly is made worthless

and is happily forgot

I remember someone...

several people

and a love we shared

I remember friends

-what fools we were!-

the bond that was, ...still unsevered

I recall a life I had

and compare it

to what I now have not

My heart mourns

that I have not these friends

that we share no laughter and tears

Something has gone missing

in my heart

and has yet to reappear

My friends, though good

there were times

when things were foul.

I wish for another chance

a chance with such fools as they

so I can laugh and cry and share again

We're all different now

and I know my self, my heart

so much better now...

But we've all gone our ways

and soon shall be long forgot,

though memories may stay fond

I hope this loneliness will leave

and I pray my heart will mend

for if it goes on, it will be my end

I yearn for something new,

something I've not yet had

but something old I miss so dear...

Wednesday, July 8, 2009

Resolve

Many a time

Have I been foolish

In love before

But now all I can hope

Is that I will be foolish

No more

I pray my patience

And undying love

Will not be for naught

I hope that my prayers

For his rescue

Will find not be forgot

My hope for him is strong

And my prayers, concise,

Yet never too long

My heart for him is true

And my love,

Pierces through

His eyes, when ours meet

Are still recognizable

Though his words, at times, despise-able

Though he runs through chaos

Insecure, searching in vain

I have felt it all, all his pain

At present, though it seems

He has no resolve

Ah! Soon! Fear will soon dissolve

My heart is content

I have found rest, peace

For I know chaos will soon cease

Tuesday, June 30, 2009

Bitter cold

I feel a rage of winter

It has struck me

Though I am in midst of summer

My skin roasting under the sun

I’ve felt a storm of hail

It strikes wicked,

And breaks my heart

All while suns ray please my skin

Such rage! Such anguish!

Why do I feel cold wrath

When life outward is so sunny?

Why are others so cold, though I am warm?

My warm demeanor

Is not hot enough

To melt their icy stares

Or to thaw out their frozen hearts

My warm smiles cannot

Take away the ice shards,

The frozen shrapnel of words

With which they pierce my heart

I feel my heart shudder

And my body shakes

A diamond has melted,

My eye sheds a precious jewel

Their cold strikes me

And my warmth turns to crystal

In a shower of glass

Shards spill from my eyes

I gather the spilled stones

The precious diamonds they were

And find they are worthless

I have broken over naught

A wind blows the sand-dust diamonds

From my grasp

And I am left alone,

With nothing at last

So long did I struggle!
Oh how did I fight

Why did I lavish precious time?

I was not worth a crystalline moment

So I begin anew

And warm my smile

With suns gracious gaze

Replacing cold with heat

As I gaze into blue sky

I know my warmth

will be restored

I’ll find new diamonds inside